Complicated Grief: When Grief Becomes Overwhelming and What to Do

Complicated Grief: When Grief Becomes Overwhelming and What to Do

Grief is a natural response to loss, and everyone experiences it differently. However, sometimes grief doesn't ease with time and becomes overwhelming. When grief remains intense and debilitating for many months, it may be what mental health professionals call "complicated grief" or "prolonged grief disorder."

If you're struggling with grief that feels stuck or overwhelming, you're not alone. Understanding complicated grief can help you recognise when you might need additional support and know that effective help is available.

What Is Complicated Grief?

Complicated grief, sometimes called prolonged grief disorder, occurs when intense grief symptoms persist for more than six months and significantly impact your ability to function in daily life. Unlike normal grief, which typically becomes more manageable over time, complicated grief can feel like being trapped in a continuous loop of pain.

The condition affects approximately 7-10% of bereaved people, according to UK research. It's more likely to occur when:

• The death was sudden, unexpected, or traumatic
• The person who died was particularly close to you
• You've experienced multiple losses in a short time
• You lack social support
• You have a history of mental health challenges

Signs of Complicated Grief

While grief naturally varies between individuals, certain signs may indicate complicated grief:

Emotional Signs

• Intense yearning and pining for the person who died
• Persistent disbelief about the death
• Overwhelming sadness that doesn't improve
• Feeling emotionally numb or detached
• Difficulty accepting the reality of the loss

Physical and Behavioural Signs

• Avoiding reminders of the person who died
• Inability to trust others or form new relationships
• Difficulty moving on with life or making plans
• Loss of meaning or purpose in life
• Sleep disturbances and changes in appetite

Duration and Impact

These symptoms persist beyond what would be expected for normal grief and significantly interfere with work, relationships, or daily activities.

How Complicated Grief Differs from Depression

While complicated grief and depression can occur together, they're distinct conditions:

Complicated Grief is specifically focused on the loss and the relationship with the person who died. The intense emotions are triggered by reminders of that specific person.

Depression involves a more general low mood affecting all areas of life, often including feelings of worthlessness and hopelessness that extend beyond the specific loss.

Some people experience both conditions simultaneously, which requires specialised treatment approaches.

Getting Help for Complicated Grief

If you recognise these signs in yourself or someone you care about, professional help can make a significant difference.

NHS Support

• Talk to your GP: They can assess your situation and refer you to mental health services
• NHS Talking Therapies: Free counselling services including grief-specific therapy
• Community Mental Health Teams: For more intensive support if needed

Specialist Bereavement Support

• Cruse Bereavement Support: Free helpline (0808 808 1677) and local face-to-face services
• Grief-specific therapy: Techniques like Complicated Grief Therapy (CGT) have shown strong success rates
• Support groups: Connect with others who understand what you're experiencing

Private Counselling

Many therapists specialise in complicated grief and can provide:

• Individual therapy sessions
• Group therapy programmes
• Trauma-informed approaches for sudden or violent deaths

Treatment Approaches That Help

Research shows several effective treatments for complicated grief:

Complicated Grief Therapy (CGT)

This specialised therapy focuses specifically on complicated grief and has shown success rates of 70-80%. It involves:

• Gradually confronting avoided reminders
• Developing a continuing bond with the deceased
• Building new goals and relationships

Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT)

CBT can help identify and change unhelpful thinking patterns that maintain grief, such as guilt or self-blame.

Trauma-Focused Therapy

When the death was traumatic, therapies like EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitisation and Reprocessing) can address trauma symptoms alongside grief.

Supporting Someone with Complicated Grief

If someone you care about is struggling with complicated grief:

• Listen without judgement: Avoid saying "you should be over this by now"
• Encourage professional help: Gently suggest speaking to a GP or counsellor
• Offer practical support: Help with daily tasks or accompany them to appointments
• Be patient: Recovery takes time and isn't linear
• Look after yourself: Supporting someone with complicated grief can be emotionally demanding

Self-Care During Complicated Grief

While professional help is crucial, these self-care strategies can complement treatment:

• Maintain routines: Even small daily routines can provide structure
• Stay connected: Accept help from friends and family
• Honour your loved one: Find meaningful ways to remember them
• Be patient with yourself: Healing isn't linear and takes time
• Avoid alcohol or drugs: These can worsen grief symptoms

Moving Forward

Complicated grief doesn't mean you'll never feel better or that you're weak. It's a recognised condition that responds well to appropriate treatment. With the right support, most people with complicated grief can learn to carry their loss in a way that allows them to re-engage with life.

Remember, seeking help for complicated grief isn't about "getting over" your loved one or forgetting them. It's about learning to live with their absence while still honouring their memory.

GetPassage provides free resources to help you through the practical tasks after a death, giving you space to focus on healing. Remember that grief, even when complicated, is a natural response to love and loss.

Where to Get Help

• Cruse Bereavement Support: 0808 808 1677 (free helpline)
• Your GP: For referrals to NHS mental health services
• NHS 111: For urgent mental health support
• Samaritans: 116 123 (free 24/7 emotional support)
• Mind: 0300 123 3393 (mental health support and information)

If you're having thoughts of self-harm, contact emergency services on 999 or go to your nearest A&E department immediately.