Donations in Lieu of Flowers: What It Means and How to Ask in the UK

Donations in Lieu of Flowers: What It Means and How to Ask in the UK

“Donations in lieu of flowers” means the family would prefer people to give money to a chosen charity, hospice or cause instead of sending funeral flowers. It is a common request in the UK, and it is completely acceptable both to ask for it and to follow it.

If you are arranging a funeral, this can feel like an awkward detail to handle. You may worry it sounds transactional or impersonal. In reality, many families choose donations because it reflects the person’s values, supports a cause that mattered to them, or simply keeps the day simpler.

Why families choose donations instead of flowers

There is no single right approach. Some families still want traditional flowers. Others do not. Donations are often chosen because:

• the person supported a charity in life
• a hospice, hospital or local service cared for them
• the family wants something more lasting than floral tributes
• there will not be much space for flowers at the venue
• the family wants to keep arrangements simple
• a notice has already said “family flowers only”

This is not rude. It is a practical and often meaningful choice.

What does “in lieu of flowers” actually mean?

In plain English, it means: please give to this cause instead of sending flowers.

You may see wording such as:

• “Family flowers only, please.”
• “Donations in lieu of flowers to… ”
• “Instead of flowers, donations may be made in memory of…”

Sometimes the request is firm. Sometimes it is gently optional. Either is fine. The main thing is to make the family’s preference easy to understand.

Is it common in the UK?

Yes. It is now very common to see donation requests in funeral notices, obituary pages and funeral director listings. Funeral Guide notes that families often include donation details alongside the service time, venue and reception details, especially when a charity collection will be organised through the funeral director.

How to decide whether donations are right for the funeral

Ask three simple questions:

1. Did the person care strongly about a particular cause?

If they supported a hospice, cancer charity, animal rescue, church, local club or research charity, donations can feel personal rather than generic.

2. Will the request make things easier or harder for close family?

A donation request can reduce practical decisions around flowers, delivery and display. But if the family would find it upsetting to explain or manage, flowers may feel simpler.

3. Is there a clear way for people to give?

The smoother the process, the better. People are much more likely to respond if the funeral notice includes a named charity and a clear route for donating.

How to word the request

You do not need a perfect script. Keep it brief and warm. Here are examples that work well:

Simple funeral notice wording

• Family flowers only, please. Donations in memory of Sarah may be made to St Christopher’s Hospice.
• Donations in lieu of flowers, if desired, to the British Heart Foundation.
• Instead of flowers, the family invites donations to Mind in David’s memory.

If a collection will be taken

• A collection in lieu of flowers will be taken for Marie Curie at the service.
• Donations may be made through the funeral director in support of the local hospice.

If you want a softer tone

• If you were thinking of sending flowers, the family would be grateful for a donation to…

The aim is clarity, not elegance. People appreciate being told what is most helpful.

Should you name the charity?

Usually, yes. A specific charity makes the request easier to follow and more meaningful. It also avoids confusion if several people ask where money should go.

If you are still deciding, it is better to wait and publish the request once you know. A vague line about “donations to a good cause” tends to create more admin, not less.

How can people donate?

In the UK, the usual options are:

• through the funeral director
• via an online tribute or obituary page
• through a collection box or plate at the service
• directly to the charity using a link shared by the family

Choose one main route if you can. Too many options can create confusion.

What if someone sends flowers anyway?

It happens. Most of the time, it is not meant disrespectfully. People may not have seen the notice, or they may feel strongly about expressing sympathy through flowers.

If that happens, you do not need to turn it into a conflict. The request was about preference, not policing grief. Accept the gesture in the spirit it was intended, while still keeping the main message clear for everyone else.

What should mourners do if they see “donations in lieu of flowers”?

If you are attending the funeral, the respectful default is simple: follow the request.

That usually means:

• do not order funeral flowers unless the family has invited them
• make a donation if you can and want to
• do not worry if you can only give a small amount
• remember that attendance, kindness and support still matter even if you cannot donate

You are not expected to match what flowers might have cost. Give what feels manageable.

Is it rude to ask for money at a funeral?

No, not when it is framed properly. This is not the same as charging people to attend. It is simply a way of directing memorial giving. Most people understand that immediately, especially when the cause has a clear connection to the person who died.

It can help to remember that mourners often appreciate guidance. When families say nothing, people are left guessing: flowers, cards, donations, food, or something else? A clear request removes that uncertainty.

Practical tips for families

To make the process easier:

• choose one charity or one tightly related group of causes
• put the request on the funeral notice and any online obituary page
• tell the funeral director early if they are managing the collection
• keep the wording consistent everywhere
• nominate one family contact if people will have questions

If you are already juggling registration, banks, bills and funeral planning, even small admin decisions can feel enormous. Tools like GetPassage can help keep those practical tasks organised while you sort funeral details and family communications.

Should you choose flowers or donations?

There is no moral hierarchy here. Flowers are not shallow. Donations are not cold. Both can be deeply loving.

Choose flowers if visual tributes feel right for the person and the family. Choose donations if a cause mattered more, the service calls for simplicity, or you want to direct people toward something lasting.

The bottom line

“Donations in lieu of flowers” is a clear, normal and respectful request in the UK. It simply means the family would prefer support for a chosen cause instead of floral tributes.

If you are arranging the funeral, keep the wording short and specific. If you are attending, follow the request without overthinking it. In the middle of grief, clear guidance is a kindness.