How to Write a Eulogy: A Gentle Guide for When Words Feel Impossible

Being asked to write a eulogy is one of the greatest honours — and one of the hardest things — you can do for someone you've lost. If you're feeling overwhelmed by the task, that's completely normal. Most people who give eulogies have never done it before, and many find the process of writing it surprisingly meaningful.

This guide offers practical advice on how to get started, what to include, and how to deliver a eulogy that truly honours the person you loved.

What is a eulogy?

A eulogy is a speech given at a funeral or memorial service that celebrates the life of the person who has died. It's an opportunity to share who they were, what they meant to the people around them, and what made them unique.

A eulogy doesn't have to be formal, polished, or literary. The most memorable eulogies are usually the ones that feel honest and personal — the ones that make people laugh, cry, or nod in recognition because they capture something true about the person being remembered.

How long should a eulogy be?

Most eulogies are between three and five minutes long when spoken aloud, which works out to roughly 500 to 800 words on paper. Some are shorter, some are longer — there's no strict rule.

If you're unsure, err on the side of slightly shorter. A concise, heartfelt eulogy is far more powerful than a long one that loses its way. It's better for the audience to wish you'd said more than to feel the speech went on too long.

How to get started

The blank page is often the hardest part. Here are some ways to begin.

Start by jotting down memories. Don't worry about structure or eloquence — just write down anything that comes to mind. Funny moments, everyday habits, things they always said, places they loved, how they made you feel. You're not writing the eulogy yet; you're gathering raw material.

Talk to other people. Ask family members and friends to share their favourite memories or what they'll remember most about the person. You'll often hear stories you didn't know, and they can spark ideas for what to include.

Look at photos. Flipping through old photos can bring back vivid memories and help you recall details you might otherwise have forgotten.

Don't try to cover everything. You're not writing a biography. A few well-chosen stories or observations will paint a more vivid picture of the person than trying to summarise their entire life.

What to include in a eulogy

There's no single right way to structure a eulogy, but most good ones include some combination of the following elements.

An introduction — briefly explain your relationship to the person and why you're speaking. This helps set the tone and gives context to the audience.

Who they were — not just facts about their life (where they were born, what they did for work), but what they were really like. Their personality, their values, their quirks. What lit them up. What drove them mad. What made them laugh.

Specific stories — one or two anecdotes that capture something essential about the person. The more specific, the better. A story about the time they did something completely characteristic of them is worth more than ten general statements about how wonderful they were.

What they meant to you and others — how did they make the people around them feel? What did they teach you? What will you carry with you?

A closing thought — this could be a favourite saying of theirs, a short reflection on their legacy, or simply a goodbye. Keep it simple and sincere.

What tone should a eulogy have?

The tone should reflect the person you're remembering and the audience in the room. Humour is absolutely welcome — if the person you're eulogising had a great sense of humour, it would feel wrong not to include something funny. Laughter at a funeral is not disrespectful; it's a tribute.

At the same time, it's okay to be sad, to pause, and to show emotion. A eulogy doesn't need to be relentlessly upbeat. The most authentic eulogies move between lightness and gravity, just as grief itself does.

Tips for delivering the eulogy

Practice reading it aloud at least once before the service. This helps you get comfortable with the words and gives you a sense of timing.

Print it in a large font — at least 14 or 16 point — so it's easy to read if your hands are shaking or your eyes are blurring. Double-space the lines.

Bring water and place it nearby. Your mouth will go dry.

It's okay to cry. If you need to pause, pause. Take a breath. The room will wait for you. Nobody expects you to get through this without emotion, and nobody will judge you for it.

Have a backup reader. Ask someone you trust to be ready to step in and read the rest if you find you can't continue. Just knowing this safety net exists can make it easier to get through.

Speak slowly. When we're nervous, we tend to rush. Consciously slow down. Pauses are powerful.

What if you can't write it yourself?

If writing doesn't come naturally, or if grief makes it impossible, there are options. You could ask someone else to write it based on your memories and notes. Some funeral directors or celebrants offer help with writing eulogies. You could also keep it very short — even a few sentences spoken from the heart can be enough.

There is no obligation to give a eulogy at all. If it doesn't feel right for you, that's okay.

How Passage can help

If you're planning a funeral and navigating all the tasks that come with it, Passage can help you stay organised. Our guided plan covers everything from choosing a funeral director to the day itself, so you can focus on what matters most — honouring the person you loved.

Start your free plan and let us help you through this time.